Its been a month now..30 grueling days since that dark and long
night.30 days that have been filled with depression and bitterness,30
days that have crawled and dragged inciting my pain and grief. Within
these 30 days,I've thought of ending it all,of falling into a deep
endless sleep..30 days now since those boys held me down and one
forced himself on me. I can still feel their iron grip on my wrist as
they pinned me to the ground like a lab rat. I can still hear the
alcohol-filled breath as they hushed and shouted me down,the voices
follow me everywhere I go and they haunt in my dreams,they condemn me.
That night,I had gone to buy something across the street,it was just
9'o clock and I had only crossed the road when the two boys rushed and
overcame me. I shouted,threatened,cursed and finally began to plead,I
pleaded so much I even used all the names I knew,I really pleaded but
it was already too late,their conscience had been washed away by their
animal urge and lust and their ears have been blocked by all the
pleasures they were about to harvest from my young body. They pinned me
down and pealed off my clothes one after the other,it was my first
time and the pain shot into my soul,digging into my very being. It was
a new kind of pain,I've never felt it before,it yanked me open and
gnawed at everything within me.
It only took them 5 minutes and they were wasted. it took them 5
minutes to ruin an 18 year long possession,my virginity. It took them 5
minutes of drunken pleasure to ruin the hopes,dreams and aspirations
of a young girl.
I've often thought that sex is beautiful thing,I never thought it was
this harsh and cruel,that it can ruin and mar one's life in matter of
minutes?How can it be?I've done almost 6 ashebis in my life and often
looked at the couples faces as they glowed with warmth and affection
for each other and I always thought that one day someone would look at
me that way and smile but it's never going to happen.
Michael has refused to pick my calls and no one wants to come closer
again. I don't know how they all got to know but they all point at me
now. I've refused to come out because I can't bear the shame. Why did
everybody leave? Where did they all go to? There used to be a long queue
before, they all wanted to be good to me but now? They think I've lost
my pride and dignity? They think I have nothing left to offer? Of course
they might be right but why won't even one person comfort and cuddle
me and tell me all will be fine, that I haven't lost my value. why? Why
does everyone run away from girls that have become this way? It makes
them slide more into oblivion and damnation, knowing you've been
rejected and condemned by everyone you used to know.
The stigma has stuck and refused to leave. I now wear shame like a
clothing, the girl that was raped. I've gone for a test and they said I
might have come down with some infections. My life has never remained
the same and when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a torn and worn
girl and I don't know if I would ever glow again. Micheal said he loved
me, why won't he call me now that I need him most,why?
Within these 30 days,I've wondered why men will force their into a
woman. How can they act that way and still come out and call yourself a
man? That is sheer cowardice and degrading. It would only take you a
few minutes to ruin everything she'd suffered to keep,her plans?Why do
you let your lust and urge remote control you? A real man is one who
can control himself and still love the woman when she says NO,NOT NOW
or WAIT!
Y
It might be too late for me now but there are a thousand unsuspecting
girls out there,will u overpower someone just to have your way?Girls
becoming victims at the hands of those they trust and believe
in;Uncles,Guardians,Teachers and even their fathers! When will all this
stop? Will my case be the last or will a thousand more lives out there
be ruined? Its a scar and stigma that never leaves us,5 years,10
years,it still gnaws at our souls. You destroy our entire life with a
mere lusty passion and animal urge. Is it worth it?If you've thought of
doing this,then wipe out that thoughts now because I promise you,their
shouts will haunt you forever,right into your grave.
I don't know what to do again,I don't know how to move on but just
last week my father wrote me from another town. When his letter came,my
hand shook and trembled. He too had found that and he was going to
strongly reprimand me,the tears began to gather. Something so beautiful
met my eyes when I opened the letter,he wrote.."My dear daughter,first
of all I want you to know that I love you more now,more than before
and nothing has changed. In your walk in life,you'd meet people and
know the pains they inflict but never give up or decide to stop moving
forward because of how much people hurt you. You have a beautiful heart
and any man with good eyes will still see that despite what has
happened. Your value has not depreciated,the pride and dignity you
think you've lost lies deep within you,you just have to call it
out. You're still my beautiful,precious baby girl and every other sane
person should see that. I love you more. From your Father"
This letter has given me the reason to move ahead even with this
grief,it has taught me to thread on this new pain and live better. Am
still valuable and my dignity,I'd restore again. Surely,any man with
good eyes will see my beautiful heart and carriage. Thank you.
Your friend
Mary.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
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